Rayzoon Technologies LLC

[james_toffee]

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8940325

While the world is soft
Melting to puddles
In the shadow of a canvas
I do not

Brush the fly off your face
You're out on a limb
You're dreaming again
I do not

Chorus
'Cause I just can't find the time
You can't come in; stay out
No, I just can't find the time
I'm a clockwork orange no doubt

While the world is hard
With its oceans and mountains
They dance in the sunshine
I do not

Where I'm safe and protected
With a spring-hinged cover
The ants think I'm dead
I do not

chorus

bridge
No sorrow, disappointment, damage or debris
Can ever, ever touch me
If faith, love and hope can spread their disease
Then love is the greatest of these

chorus

Based on Salvador Dalia's "The Persistence of Memory"
My question: Why is the orange clock in the lower left corner not "melted"?
My answer: A Clockwork Orange

[jorkke_]

You have created an interesting soundscape. This one has even some hit pontential - it succeeds in being both simplistic and ambitious at the same. There is something in the instrumentation that I like very much, but I can't point out what. It sort of takes my mind to the 1960's but on the other hand it does not. Interesting, yes.

However, there is always the "weakest link" or "room for improvement". In my opinion in this case the weakest link is the singer. He is OK as a "spice" to a mix, but now as he carries this entire song on his own shoulders his limitations as a singer become too obvious.

So I suggest that get some real singer to work with, and then the sky's the limit!
--
http://www.youtube.com/MajorNoia

[james_toffee]

Hi jorkke_

Thanks for the listen and feedback especially on the "weak link" aspect.

>his limitations as a singer become too obvious.
This is a great observation. I'd love to here you explain how or where he falls short and how those limitations come out...or maybe what kind if singer would be better for this style.

Thanks again.

[jorkke_]

Hi there james -

the point is that there is excellence in this song on some areas, but there is no that kind of excellence in the singer's voice. It sounds like if I would stop passers by on the street and ask "can you sing in a key" (or how do you say in english how to sing the right notes) and if the person says yes, I would choose him as my singer.
Sometimes this is accetable if the excuse is that "I wrote this song myself and it is so personal that no-one else can sign it" even if the signer is not an excellent performer.
But that turns easily into a joke, or into an obstacle. It easily hides the potential of the song if the listeners pay attention to the mediocre vocal track.

Bring some excellence to the vocal performance and you could be able to hypnotize your listeners.
I can not say should you aim for Elvis or Edith Piaf or Kate Melua or Nina Hagen or...
that is up to you to decide.
But if you find someone that when you play the song to a random passer by and he/she says "this singer can really sing" then you are on the right track. Then the vocal performance is on the same level where the rest of the song is.
Currently, in my opinion, it is not.

If you really can not find anyone then you could fiddle with effects I guess, but that's an area I don't know much about. There are some singers who have created a career with a vocal sound created entirely in the studio, not being able to sing that way live.

I listened to that song again and I really like the instrumentation and the idea.

[quote="james_toffee"]Hi jorkke_

Thanks for the listen and feedback especially on the "weak link" aspect.

>his limitations as a singer become too obvious.
This is a great observation. I'd love to here you explain how or where he falls short and how those limitations come out...or maybe what kind if singer would be better for this style.

Thanks again. [/quote]

[james_toffee]

Hi jorkke_

Thanks again for taking the time to reply back I appreciate your insight.

I'll keep the importance of the singer's delivery in mind when it comes time to take my songs to the next level.

James